Crash course in polite conversations

I know this seems like Im being over dramatic, but I cant help it. All this shit is blowing up at once and I just cant do it. Im done. Im done getting close to people because people always leave and I just cant do it anymore. Im just done with it all. I cant hold on any longer. Im done.

then theres the 5 people Im losing who mean the absolute world to me..

Yes, I know I have plenty of friends like Alex, Sara, Brooke, Allison, Hailee.. and a bunch more.. but theres something about these 5 that makes me feel different. They make me feel important and confident without even trying. They get me through things without even realizing and nobody seems to understand how I could be so upset about this. They just keep saying “youre not really losing them, youll be fine” but its not fine. I went through this last year, I know what its like. They are my rock. They keep me going. The 4 obvious ones are Bridg, Rob, Tiff, & Erin. They have changed the way I feel about myself and they believe in me. Ive been saying for the past month “what am I going to do without them” and I just kept convincing myself everything would be fine.. but its getting harder and harder to do that because it hit me that friday is the day they graduate high school. The not so obvious one is Sister Margaret. i dont care how stupid that sounds. That woman has gotten me through things without even realizing. I need the 5 of them in my life and Im a wreck just thinking about losing them.

then theres softball…

the game that alex got thrown out of, Ms Kim stood up and said something nasty to the catcher like “you should throw the catcher out since she intentionally hurt two of our girls.” (me and brina) then the catcher said something nasty back and Steve thinks I said what ms kim said. AND I DIDNT. thats why he was so pissed off at me today.

• Crash course in polite conversations
• The search for something more
• To wish impossible things
• Near wild heaven
• The trick is to keep breathing
• Between order and randomness
• Unopened letter to the world
• The quiet things that no one ever knows
• Somewhere the clock is ticking
• Locked hearts and hand grenades
• The runaway found
• Ashes of dreams you let die
• Dont dream its over
• For tonight youre only here to know
• Running to stand still
• Echoes, Silence, Patience, and Grace
• Get cape. Wear cape. Fly.
• Forever and almost always
• Some roads lead nowhere
• Learning to fall
• The space in between
• Holding out for a hero
• Catastrophe and the cure

first of all, my dad…

my incredibly amazing dad who I wouldnt be able to get through life without is falling back into his depressed mode and I cant take it. He cant take it. My mom cant take it. His job is going terrible, and he comes home everyday all sad and I cant see him like this anymore. Then to make matters worse, him and my mom got in trouble by Steve today because of comments they made to Anna… My dad is no longer allowed in the dug out which is COMPLETE BULLSHIT. He said its just because theres “too many coaches” in the dugout… but hes letting Carly, John, and Tim stay in there. Hes upset because he’s been there longer. Last year it was Steve, Eric and my dad and now all of a sudden John and Tim are replacing them. He feels like its a slap in the face because him and Steve have been friends for years and all because of one comment he made, hes being punished. Hes trying to not make it obvious, but hes so sad. Hes falling apart.

Where the heck are you? Is there really something terribly wrong with me? I don’t understand why I’m never an option. Please start to pay attention to me…